Thursday, November 19, 2009
Numb
I lay there emotionless and exhausted while they stick me, sit me up, sit me down, replace bandages, shoot saline up my nose, fill me full of fluids while trying to take some out. Almost everyday I will be going in to the hospital - one day for hemodialysis the next for a multiple myeloma drug called Velcaid. I will begin taking high dose steroids every few days in conjuction with another mm drug called Thalidomide which I will take daily. This is not going to be easy with a bad heart and failing kidneys. I'm grateful something is happening but frightened to be at this stage. Things happpen so quickly and right now there isn't the time or energy to be worried about much of anything. I am not myself and may not be for a little while to come. Having a shower and making it down to the car where my dad waits for me each day takes it all out of me. I'm having trouble holding a conversation but deep down I know what I'm doing. I'm preserving myself, storing up my energy so I can continue to fight another day.
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im proud to be your friend man......keep the fight, not that you will ever give in...
ReplyDeletei am absolutely amazed with your strength.....
B
Hey Chad,
ReplyDeleteI am just praying for you daily! You are a strong fighter. Your posts are so powerful! As i sit here reading them I just want to reach out to you & help you in any way I can! The support of your friends and family is amazing! I do not know Meg, but what an angel sent from above!! She is such a blessing in your life!!! I am really moved by your journals/blogs, you are an amazing writer! Nicole is the one who led me to this site and I am glad that I am able to see how you are doing? From what you write it seems that you are very tired & fatigued, but you have such a stong mind & soul that can get you through this tough time. Chad you are an amazing person & I am glad the times we all had at SLU..parties/tennis or just hanging out..Hang in there and chat with you soon! Much love and Prayers, Carrie Chambers-Guth
Brotherman,
ReplyDeleteLast week was timeless. Sitting and talking with you was a real pleasure; a genuine honour. While it was a little less manic than our time in Holloway-Smith, it reminded me of the friendship and guidance you always provided to me. Thanks for being a brother to me, then and now.
While your fight alone is enough inspiration for me to lift more weight during lunchtime (it is like you are there spotting me), to send chills throughout my body, to simply be better, I like to send you the energy I draw from Drew Brees' pre-game rally cry and substitute the wording for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0Hv7Tc1VoE&feature=related
Today, we take a hold of this cancer!
Today is the start of our recovery!
When I say who are we, you say Chad!
When I say are we ready, you say Ah-yoo!
WE ARE TEAM RALLY CHAD!!!
The WHO DAT NATION and TEAM RALLY CHAD are behind you. Let us lift you up. You will stay strong because it is who you are, but lean on us. We will support you. You are loved.
Your approach is that of a true CHAMPION; one step at a time. Keep stepping. I know you will because you have the biggest balls I have ever seen, literally and figuratively.
See you in Nawlins soon, Hawk.
Hi Chad,
ReplyDeleteUntil I heard from Uros at HB about your current plight, I again had no idea about your ongoing battle which now seems to be raging by the hour. The last time I saw you was at SP....I wasn't reading between the lines with some of your responses during our brief chat...hence my complete ineptitude.
I've read most of your blogs and am truly amazed at your ability to capture the essence of you daily tribulations...Of course, I've toiled with emailing you because we're mostly connected through the tennis world but not in real life...but honestly, the power of your words have drawn me to share a few thoughts with you.
In a world that just plots along with or without us, your heartfelt writings really go deep and literally smack me in the face with how lucky I am with my life...I wish for all the same blessings in your life. In a way you already have them, but for this damn relentless illness!
Megan has the strength of character of a person well beyond her years, and by the sounds of both families your are lovingly provided with heaps of emotional support.
I recall watching you and JJ play "The Park" a couple of years ago and was in awe of your physical shape..in fact, being a newby desk jockey I was pretty jealous.
Chad, you're a powerful soldier for life, and I'm praying for you...Keep up the fight, keep the faith...You're in the collective thoughts of many in our small community.
Best Regards, Luke O'Loughlin
Chad,
ReplyDeleteYou are a good man with an incredible heart and this is why you have the fantastic support around you that you need and that I know you have.
You hang in there friend. Your words mean a lot to me and they're a good thing to get out of yourself and onto paper.
I greatly look forward to the fundraiser and really hope to see you there.
Take care buds.
With immense love xxoo
Michelle Jenkins
I second the Hawk- TEAM RALLY CHAD!!! AH-YOO!!!! All the love from the Bayou Canada can possibly hold---- Katie
ReplyDeleteLeave it to, Jesse. His words were just right. (I wish they'd been mine, but I guess the football references are best left up to the guys!) As he said, we are your team, Chad. Whether we are the people you see daily or those you haven't seen or heard from in years. We are all your team. Store up that energy, do as you must to KEEP FIGHTING!!!
ReplyDeleteLots of Love,
Sarah (Marchese) Knorst
Battle hard Chad.
ReplyDeleteLove you lots,
Kin
Chad,
ReplyDeleteI just finished watching 65 red roses, wow Eva's story is a truly incredible one. Thanks for passing the links along. I just wanted to touch base again and let you know there are many many people keeping close tabs on you. I passed your blog on to my close family and friends and everyone of them is keeping you close in thought. While I am sure some days you lie there wondering, why me? As the world outside moves on and days quickly become nights, you must wonder when your life will be yours again, when you will be able to start living for you. Well, I think you should know, that while it may seem like your world is simply about trying to survive, you Chad are what living is all about. Each person has a story and well, your story touches every person that takes the time to hear it.
Continue to be tired, to be frustrated, to be numb, do whatever you must to keep up the fight. We are all a part of your story, just as you are a part of ours. thinking of you and sending love and positive thoughts to you and Meg. . .
Amelia xo
Dear Chad, Thank you so much for taking the time to blog. I think of you so often but have had no way to know how you are doing. I know you are a fighter and I am gald you have Meg and your family to help you through everything a day at a time. It is so incredible that you know Eva. I have heard so much about her over the past few years, and was lucky to meet her this year, as her friend , Phillip Lyall (producer and co-director of the movie) is a good family friend of mine. We have known his parents forever and they have a place at Bowen Island just down the lane from us. We have been following Eva's story through Phillip for the past few years. She is a warrior too, isn't she.
ReplyDeleteAnyway just wanted to pass on my best wishes and prayers to you. xox Stephanie Hackett
Hold fast, Chad.
ReplyDeleteI've got faith in you.
Cheers,
Doug.
Hi Chad,
ReplyDeleteIts been many many years since I have talked to you or seen you. Came across your blog today and starting reading. My stomach dropped and started to turn when I started reading and seeing what your going through. I've never known anyone going through what you are going through. I am struggling to find words. Still remember our days playing soccer together and me hanging out with you at the tennis court. Was looking through my childhood pictures with my daughter a couple weeks ago and looking at the old soccer pics with you in them. Those were fun times, simpler times.
From what I have read you are a strong person Chad, very strong and you can beat this. Keep fighting.
If you want, you can drop me a line at grhalma@hotmail.com
Geoff of Lethbridge
Chad,
ReplyDeleteI have been wanting to post for weeks but have struggled for the words. You are such a brave spirit, best friend, warrior and wise old man. I miss our pow wow's about life and can't wait until they can be continued which I feel will be soon.
I was reading Megan's blog as well and agree with her that you are "Warrior Chad". A warrior is someone who sees everything as a challenge where as an ordinary man sees everything as either a blessing or a curse. You are a warrior, challenged by life and always there to meet the challenge. An ordinary man would not have been here today. I have always admired but only recently understood how you live in the now. You realize that the past is history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift which is bestowed upon us. It is these revelations which I now dedicate my life to living as they are the path of the warrior. You are an inspiration of strength to which I only hope that I can someday live up to.
Chad, your wise words have made such a huge impact in my life that I will never forget them. I still remember the first time you said "sometimes you just have to pull the trigger". Basically you were advising me to take control of my life and do what it takes to be happy as our time on this planet is not eternal. I can't thank you enough for helping me to find the courage to be happy.
I find it humorous that as men, we find it difficult to share our feelings in these ways. Words are so powerful and connect us with how we truely feel. You are my brother in arms and I am here for you for whatever you need, "whenever" you need it. I look forward to sharing more time with you as well as these words in person. See you soon.
Amazing Jesse!
ReplyDeleteCarrie Chambers Guth