Meggy "Interlude"

Megan and I have had a very rough 24 hours-we both have the swine flu and it takes alot to knock her down. I've never seen her totally out of commission but she is watching episode after episode of gossip girl and recovering nicely. I was taken in by ambulance yesterday with swine flu, congestive heart failure, pneumonia, poor kidney function....and the cancer problem which has been escalating lately. Once again the doctors gave it to me straight and for many hours yesterday I thought I'd never make it home again to be with Meg. After you run through the emotions the fight begins and there is no other option but to make it out of there. I've been in these situations more times than I care to remember and each time I've been lucky to come out of it. It does take its toll on the mind and body and I have felt myself deteriorate with each challenge. Facing your mortality is life changing, facing it over and over is just fucking torture. In the past eight and a half years I've had; two bone marrow transplants, total body radiation, many chemo's, been on and off steroids, had every myeloma treatment available and I'm running out of options. Ten months ago I had my second transplant from my original donor whom I owe the life he's given me. Things went bad and I spent several weeks in intensive care then several more in cardiac care. It was the craziest time but Meggy hung in there with me and we got through it. I can't even imagine the torture this has put her through. The months after proved to be even more trying for us since I required so much help. Meg was just starting a new job and then she has to come home to this creature curled up in a ball who couldn't feed himself. She would stand behind me with calming words while I moaned and screamed while trying to pee out blood clots the size of smushed slugs. She has endured night after night of my cramping that puts me to tears from the pain while she rubs me and gets my gatorade. This is a 24 hour job for both of us. I just want to give her the life she deserves that's why I fight so hard now. Can you imagine being her, dealing with this day in and day out. She's the most special person I've ever come across and she's just getting started. She's my confidant, my support, my love.